Two People Behaving Badly

Lauren and Humphrey

Crimes: Child Pornography, Aggravated Assault

I learned about this story yesterday, and it’s a shocking case of hellbeastly behavior. The two participants are both the victims and the victimizers. Neither are going to the police and charging the other, because both have a lot to lose. Actually, both have already lost a lot.

You’ll notice I’m not naming names. The one victim/victimizer is underage, so her name has been withheld, and the other has suffered enough for his sins without his name being broadcast for further humiliation.

The sordid tale took place in Mpumalanga, South Africa. A 25-year-old man we’ll call Humphrey was dating a 17-year-old girl we’ll call Lauren. (After Bogart and Bacall of course.)

Being an asshole of the worst sort, Humphrey made the stupid decision to have sex with Lauren, the underage girl. He then made the stupider decision to record himself having sex with Lauren. He simultaneously made an even stupider decision to not tell Lauren he was recording the sex.

And then, although Humphrey denies he did it, the video somehow magically was uploaded onto social media where it promptly went viral.

“We agreed to have sex, but she was not aware that I was filming the sex using my laptop computer. I did not intend to show anyone the video and I still don’t know how it got onto social media,” Humphrey said. Riiight.

Humphrey could/should have been in deep shit with the authorities. In South Africa, child pornography is defined as “any image or any description of a person, real or simulated, who is, or who is depicted or described as being, under the age of 18 years, engaged in sexual conduct”.

Humphrey was, by legal definition, a child pornographer.

The video showed the asshole pushing Lauren, still wearing her school uniform, onto the bed and, well, you know…

On or around January 17, 2015, Lauren found out about the video, and to say she was livid is an understatement.

“I heard about the video from one of my classmates and I thought that they were joking, but then I saw the video myself and lost my mind,” said Lauren. No shit she lost her mind.

The girl was distraught because, not only did her boyfriend betray her by secretly filming the sex and then uploading it for her classmates and the whole world to see, she learned that he hadn’t been wearing a condom! Lauren had every reason to freak out at him.

“I had to do something to show him that I was angry and wanted to hurt him so that he can see that he messed with the wrong girl,” Lauren said.

So what did the “wrong girl” do? Did she contact the police and turn Humphrey the child pornographer in to the authorities? Nope. Did she seek any legal advice? Nope. Did she tell her parents what had happened? Hell, no!

The livid Lauren went looking in her father’s stuff for a wheel spanner she would use, presumably, to inflict damage upon Humphrey. She didn’t find one. Instead she found a bottle of acid.

Oh no, she didn’t! Oh yes, she did!

“While I was searching I came across an old acid bottle. I took it and went straight to his regular drinking place and when I got there I became angrier,” said Lauren.

Yup, old Humphrey was just hanging out with his buds at a tavern near Hazyview, Mpumalanga when Lauren stormed in.

“She just angrily called me a dog. She asked how in the world I could have done such an evil thing to her. It was only then that I realised that she was talking about the video that I took while we were having sex,” said Humphrey.

What the stupid asshole didn’t know was that Lauren was carrying a bottle of acid. And not knowing that, he didn’t run for his life.

“Everything happened in a blink of an eye,” said Humphrey.

What happened? Lauren didn’t throw the acid in his face. That’s good. But she did pour it on his crotch. That’s bad. That’s exceedingly bad. That is ghastly.

“I never intended to kill his penis.” Riiiight. “I was just angry and all I wanted was to make him feel the pain I was feeling,” Lauren later said to a journalist.

Oh, I can believe old Humphrey was feeling the pain. Acid on his penis equals pain.

The now remorseful Humphrey said that even though his penis will never work again, he felt lucky to be alive. He has to pee through a tube and has more surgery in his future, but he’s lucky to be alive.

Humphrey has so far refused to press charges against Lauren. “Even if I press charges it is useless because it won’t bring back my manhood. Her being in jail will just ruin her future because she is still young and I do not have the energy to attend courts,” he said.

How generous of him. Humphrey doesn’t mention of course that Lauren could reciprocate and bring charges against him.

When asked for comment, the local police said they would open a case if either of them came forward. I doubt that either of them will.

These two young hellbeasts have pretty much ruined their own and each other’s lives. Lauren will forever have the stigma of the sex tape AND the acid attack following her. Her family is no doubt extremely upset, shamed and probably shattered by Lauren’s actions. And Lauren just might find there are way fewer guys willing to date or marry her now.

Humphrey started the whole thing by 1) having a sexual relationship with an underage girl, 2) having unprotected sex with the girl, 3) secretly recording the sex, and 4) uploading the video onto the Internet. His buds might high-five him for all that assholery, but that’s little consolation to a man whose manhood has literally been dissolved.

I know that I usually rant and rave if hellbeasts aren’t brought to justice, but in this case the damage that Humphrey and Lauren did to themselves is severe and life altering. As they say, karma’s a bitch.

And BTW, I had the damnedest time figuring out what picture to use with this article. I challenge anyone to do better. article – attack article – interview with girl

10 Responses to Two People Behaving Badly

  1. Richard Baker says:

    Only one thing would have made it better, that she should have shoved a handfull of Viagra down his throat as the crowning blow.

    ps: the picture is perfect

  2. 2cute says:

    Ouch! I’m thinking that this would be an actual deterrent for pedophiles and child pornographers! The prospect of peeing out a tube would likely make those pervs want to keep it zipped up. Too bad the courts can’t inflict this punishment.

  3. awesomeblossom says:

    Cleo, the picture is ok but maybe if you put an X or a white dot where his genitals used to be.

  4. moodymagic says:

    This is one disturbing article. I am lost for words. Both their lives are ruined. Yes Humphrey did an asshole move and .He has paid a heavy price. Acid on the penis should only be used as regular practice on Pedophiles.


    HOLY CRAP BATMAN! This entire situation should have never happened to begin with, but they each made stupid choices because their immature. His actions and choices led to the climax of her pouring the acid on him, but I can not support her choice of intentionally maiming this guy with acid because she was pissed off at him. She could have went to the authorities and gotten justice the legal way. They both are at fault in this situation and it’s hard to feel empathy for them when they both made such immature and repulsive choices.

  6. bulldoggy says:

    Hells bells these two are stupid. He was bad enough but what she did was so over the top it’s almost unbelievable. She didn’t mean to kill his penis HAH! What did she think acid would do to it? Stupid, stupid, stupid.

  7. Bengalpuss says:

    Lol, i bet he didn’t see that coming? Well actually he didn’t. I have little sympathy for him, we all know that the video didn’t upload itself on line and he shouldn’t have be having sex with a child, thats right a child, so serves his self right. He won’t do that again. Oh he can’t can he!!

  8. michelle says:

    He may find solace in the fact that the South African’s have recently performed the very first penis transplant recently. I guess you could call it possibility of parole.

  9. AreYouF'nSerious?! says:

    I feel no sympathy for him. He uploaded that video that he KNEW would ruin her life. She just reciprocated. Oh well.

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